Quotes Board

Be careful what you say when you're on a conservation event - you might end up being quoted on the now world famous Conservation Group quotes board!

There's no super sophisticated web based quote submission system in operation here, so just email quotes to me at mw8467@bristol.ac.uk.

Quotes 2008-2009

Are you interested in men? - Serene (to Steve):

She doesn't mind, stroke her. - Lizzie (to Steve)

She just kissed Steve! - Aisa
Awwwwww! - Lizzie

How can someone who supports Obama be a fascist Nazi? - Steve, referring to himself

*stepping over kerb of door to deck of ferry* What's this, is it to stop OAPs? - Steve, conveniently blind to the row of OAPs standing outside the door glaring at him

We're the sludge sisters! - Serene

Would you like to share my teabag, it's still got some juices in.. - Steve
Mm, Steve juice. - Serene

I've got an easy-pee flap! - Will

You've got mud on your garters! - Kelda (to Pete)

Serene, are you enjoying your hair? - Pete

I am the leaf man! - Steve

The Booby Chronicles:
I've got two boobies now! - Katie
I'm leaving my boobies alone - Katie
Serene's stroking her booby - Aisa

Feel his head, it's really weird - Aisa

Are you interested in men? - Serene (to Steve)

This is like a cider press, but for apples! - Will

Fork that ground good and deep. - Will (to Steve)

Scotland Quotes 2008

I would enjoy a refill please - Pete

Herring's fins, needles and pins. Herring's eyes, pudding and pies. - Folk singer

How do I turn you on? - Serene (to Aisa)

Serene were you a contortionist in a previous life - Katy

Oh, penis! - Steve (playing Twister)

I don't think you're allowed to put your penis on. - Katie

Molly's amorous tonight... She's on heat. - Katie

Don't stick your hand up my arse! - Steve

Wizard in Lord of the Rings.. Oh hang on, I've read it wrong, it's Garfield. - Will (playing Name in the Bag)

In a group of odd people, you're odd. - Katy

You make me seem normal. - Naomi (to Pete):

Pete - Poo!

It's quite hard spooning these peaches! - Katie

Mm, I like me a taste of Glen Rosa. - Pete

The Jews! (in reply to the question "who ordered Jesus to be killed?") - Steve

When the sun first set at 3pm, I was really upset.. I was upset for a whole week! - Serene

I'm going out with Spiderman! - Katie

This seat's for disabled people, not old people - Serene
What's the difference? - Steve

Quotes 2007-2008

Hit me with a rhythmic stick! - Katie

Look, poo! - Ryder

Did you call me bitch? - Will
Shut up, bitch! - Serene

Why are you holding onto my stick? - Naomi

I find that dog's bottom very attractive - Katie

'Ello luv, mind if I climb your chimney? - Naomi

Naomi pulled me - Katie

What's the latin name for cow? - Charlotte
Er...I don't think they have cows in Rome. - Katie

It's quite big but it's very long - Claudio

Katie, I love you, I want to have your babies - Naomi

I'm just like everyone else - Charlotte

What do normal people talk about? Weather. It's dark. - Charlotte

I'm willing to talk about anything. - Charlotte

Who knows what the capital of Portugal is?! - Charlotte
Lisbon - Lisa
I mean, come on, no-one knows what the capital of Portugal is! - Charlotte
It's Lisbon - Lisa
Serene, do you know what the capital of Portugal is? - Charlotte
Er, Lisbon - Serene

We could chop a tree down for Children in Need! And send it to Africa! - Charlotte

Apparently, in America, they eat scrambled squirrel brains - Serene
Can they breed squirrels with larger brains, you know, like for foie gras? - Caroline
But when they have bigger brains, they'll be smarter and escape - Charlotte
They could remove half of the brain and let it grow back - Pete
Like a brain farm - Serene

Now I know that Portugal is a country. I used to think that it was the capital of Spain. - Charlotte

Is that wizard taking his clothes off? - Charlotte

It's like being in a really bad porn movie! - Charlotte

Serene, I don't like you that way... keep your hands to yourself! - Charlotte

That's not screaming, it's yelling in a manly fashion - Naomi

Scotland Quotes 2007

(describing Jesus) Has a beard...wears sandals... - Katie

All the better for licking you, my dear - Rob

Is Lisa going to sleep with us? - Charlotte

I've got hand strain - Charlotte

You get three coz you're a big boy - Naomi
Keep it quiet! - Rob

The day that nothing happened in the world - Charlotte

Do you speak Scottish? - Charlotte to ranger Stephen

You're twenty?! - Stephen to Charlotte

Rob's having man time - Katie

I just put a sticker in my hair and now I can't find it - Charlotte

How did the cat carry it? In its paw? - Katie

Is there any inbreeding in this family? - Charlotte

This may sound like a stupid question but... - Charlotte

Quotes 2006-2007

Well I'll just go and play with myself - Katie

I think Charlotte's rubbed-off on them - Lisa

She gave me one so I gave her one - Vicky

They broke the toilet code, they talked to me! - Pete

I would have gone with the woman - Naomi

I tell you, if I was 25 years older... - drunk 50 year-old Irish woman to Rob

You have gorgeous eyes - drunk 50 year-old Irish woman to Rob

Are there any stray women here? - drunk old Devon man

I can't drink milk or watch people drink milk or anything - Charlotte

It's very long isn't it - Ally

There are grunty baby-making noises - Ally

Do you think if you got stabbed by a radioactive pencil you'd become radioactive pencil man? - Vicky

I've had normal conversations! - Charlotte

You're invading my hole - Charlotte

Can I actually get my mouth around it? - Katie

It's quite scary... bits coming out of everywhere - Katie

It'll have a double impact really, the cows and the volunteers working together - Tom Burditt

So if when a mummy bit of toast and a daddy bit of toast love each other very much... - Ally
No, toast doesn't work like that - Vicky

It's been five years, it's gone a bit saggy - Mary [see: Mary, 10 Dec 2001]

He sleeps under her bush - Katie

I wouldn't want to throw myself into the cider - Tony

I sucked it and it went kind of wierd - Lisa

I don't have leprosy - Ally

I'm very impressed with your technique Olly - Ally

I was always told you shouldn't stay at places where they charge you by the hour, because they're brothels - Vicky

You've got machetes? Can I play? - Vicky

Scotland Quotes 2006

Did I neglect to mention it was a male vibrator? - Rob

Get it out right now, we've got loads of time - Tim

Why don't you just say "I'm going to go down"? - Ruth

He's a mountain ranger... it's a bit like being a mountain goat, only a bit more intelligent - Ruth

I've never had one that long - Katie

You got me both ways, how rude - Katie

The bigger the better I say - Rob

Oh! It's quite stiff - Ruth

My wrist isn't very good... but Shaun's is - Ruth

Bring it on baby - Katie
I wasn't expecting that... welcome as it is - Rob

It looks so solid sometimes - Vicky

My weekends / a dead sheep - Ally

I can't do it without wiggling my bum - Ruth

Oh, Beth's excited by her hand! - Ruth

I don't think if I stick my finger in I'll be able to get up to the sky - Ruth

It's somewhere between having it off and having it on - Ruth

Oh no, we've lost the strippers - Rob

What can we have instead of pasta? I've got some newspaper - Vicky

Am I in with the girls? - Rob

I could stick pens and pencils and everything in there - Rob

Quotes 2005-2006

I haven't felt like puking in the shower for weeks! - Tony

He's ridiculously long - Ally

I may foolishly squeeze a little more in - Tony

Being arsed is a difficult thing - Tony

I don't tend to wear mini skirts with no knickers... except at conservation - Ally

I gave her e-coli in conservation - Ally

Shithead's the same as bastard isn't it? - Ruth

They were small, tarty and very disappointing - Tony
Are you talking about the staff or the mince pies? - Katie

All I wanted to do was to give her a poke - Dave

The first time I went in I was with Darren... and we weren't naked - Tony

How does the receipt know my name? - Gwen

I'm going to be a gent - Ruth

I've never seen anybody do that to Ruth before - Tony

It's lucky you don't sleep naked really - Ally

Scotland Quotes 2005

Oh what fun can be had in public toilets - Rob

They were about 70 and very fit and good to see - Stuart

I would like to lick them all - Rob

People don't want to lick me - Rob

I'm playing with a group of girls here... this is not a good place to be - Rob

He was grinning rather too much when he came out of the toilets - Rob

She'll have a couple of hands to aid her - Rob

I should really have something to stroke shouldn't I? - Rob

I have to go out with a bang - Rob

If I do rub then please let me apologise now - Stuart

I think Rob's just getting ideas again - Ally

Quotes 2004-2005

I don't have a very good grasp of the English knowledge - Yvonne

I heard rumours of tarts - Tony

This time it's your turn for the big one - Tony

As a bloke, I have to offer - Tony

It's just one gigantic long one - Gwen

Sam has exciting stuff so I eat his - Gwen

I've got two hands! - Vicky

That'll do me for a couple of mouthfuls - Sam

Bees are like orgasms to plants - Gwen

Mine's obviously far bigger than yours - Rob

Get it out again in Zizzi's - Vicky

It barely raises at all, frankly - Tony

Rob's rubbing against a tree - Gwen

A bit of kink is okay I think - Lydia

That's why you should use a serif font... it's safer - Sam

Conservation volunteers are like termites! - Tom (Lower Woods)

Taste it and tell me if you think I'll like it - Vicky

Poking Gwen is fun but I'm not allowed to do it anymore - Rhian

You were just bum bumming - Vicky

I've never seen a real live mole before - Vicky
I have, but it was dead - Hil

I remember he ended up in Tony's bed somehow - Gwen

I can't tie him up more, there's nothing to tie him up with - Gwen

It was his hole and he was defending it with all his might - Matt

I approve of bigger knobs - Ruth 1

Tim, that's a mighty big one - Rob

If I took off my top I'd match too - Ally

Tim was trimming his bush - Gwen

I'm having a trouser problem - Sam

It's got no structure and it just sort of flops around - Fiona

It's a very women's utensil - Gwen

Cadfael, that monkey detective thing - Sam

You should see what a Sam sized portion is - Gwen

You hit me on the arse on the way out - Tony

I only get them out if it's absolutely necessary - Tors (National Trust)

Hilary's forking - Tony

Oooh, I've got a vibratory pocket - Tony

More quotes

For more classic quotes see the old quotes and the oldest quotes.

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